Alfred Sacksman Found putting his shoes on before his pants. Could this be the result of the growing controversy surrounding recalls and son's disappearance?
Everybody in town seems to adore this sexy new temptress employed at Stop 'N' Slop, but this reporter is here to say he thinks she's got a broomhandle crammed up her you-know-what. As when I asked for her phone number to treat her to, let's just say, a delicious chunk of your's truly she reported me to the manager and had me banned. How much longer are we going to allow this sort of behavior to continue?
Apparently, Mayor Gray Jones could be MAYOR GAY JONES????????? (WHAAAAAAT? Good for him!!!) He seems to be spending his city hall appearances and press conferences with a brand new boy-toy. Is it just business? Or is it all pleasure?
An anonymous phone call was made to the owners of Booze Cruise on Grace Way to the effect of missing property (my missing car keys to that end!) And oddly enough the owner Simmons Hubcap seemed to NOT ONLY act as if he's never seen me before but also claim to have "No idea what I'm talking about." Drugs suspected to be involved.
JOKES ON US! Robert "Robbie" Cardella (OF JESTER PIZZA FAME) has gone ahead with his strange and oddly effed-up humiliation tactic to assuage lazy workers. He said this will incentivize workers not to "Mess/joke around" when it comes to quality. As per their famous tagline a little ditty that goes: "There's no joke about our quality"
Rooster Adult Video Store is now selling DVD versions of movies still in theaters in stores… when reached for comment on their quality he said they were "legit" quality. I will be renting from him shortly with a full review. Thank you very much!
So there's this weird bald guy who "allegedly" lives in the sewer, some sort of strange rascal who must enjoy the smell of boo-boo and teetee. Speculation as to whether this is the jerk responsible for the disappearance of those two missing boys is unknown…
Something wicked this way comes! YES the annual Halloween fair is coming back to Grace Way. Could it BE anymore festive? Festival events and tickets are available here. But what has us REALLY yammering at the bit is a special performance by Rot'boro's own Testicular Torsion, with a new front man that isn't the youngest Sacksman son, Chet. When reached for comment on the matter, older brother, Phil Sacksman proceeded to say: "Do any of you have a cigarette?" after which he dug into his boxers and smelled his finger with a resounding "YEECCH!" We give the resonant stench a 10-out-of-10 on the 90.3 Rotten Egg meter!
Soooo guess what this little snooper saw the other day… I was walking out of Jester Pizza, getting my usual, a funny fetti surprise with extra cheese, pepperoni barbecue sauce and olives, (thank me later), and who do I see walking out of Jester with a girl from Milky Maidz but our lovely Mayor, Gray Jones… Yes even after the raucous scandal involving his previous sexcapades with local barndoor.com escorts, he STILL finds time to embarass the whole town with his weirdly public sex life. Maybe the water of Rotborough put worms in his brain, because truth be told, we as citizens are getting really sick of all the nonsense. And as if it couldn't get any worse, he was seen at jester stuffing his gourd with his usual foul smelling rancid regular order. A large pie (which he did not share a single slice of) with heaps of gravy, a whole can of olives, liver bites and what I can only assume were anchovies of defense sprinkled here and there, as if to dissuade any would be pizza thieves from stealing a single morsel of that Godless concoction.
MOVIE REVIEW 1 W/ Ronnie Goldyard (Rotborough's resident film expert)
This weeks classterpiece (that's classic and masterpiece in one) is the move HOT Starring Sal Killmore, Chance Parchini, and Robert Philadelphia,
Oh my LANTA, before i say something lemme just say rip to Sal Killmore. what the fudge… anywho this movie is intense. when Robert Philadelphia wanted that girl in the diner i was literally so horny it was scary! also woww big time star CHANCE PARCHINI who recently starred in "To Kiss a Mocking Girl" is in this! Thankfully however, unlike that movie he has a hot wife who has a GREAT ASS! thankfully this movie did not waste my MOTHERFUCKING TIME! absoluthely give this one a watch friends it was intence and ohh boooyyyy what a rush ! :)
MOVIE REVIEW 2 W/ Ronnie Goldyard (Rotborough's resident film expert)
This week's ROTTEN EGG STINKER is a little thing known sadly as "The Final Assault" An extremely bizarre and confusing movie starring; Honestly, who knows? This movie sucks. Anyway it's another one of those "chosen one" movies, and we all know how I feel about that. Anyway I guess his task is to grab the "Holy Relic" yea it's another one of those… I mean really do they just put anything in theaters? It can't be that easy to just make a movie I'm sure… Maybe I should just make one huh? Yea keep an eye out for my directorial debut "ASTROBASTARDS: on ice". (Yeah that sound's good, why not?) coming next year… ANYWAY what a shitload of fuck, I give it 9-out-of-10 rotten eggs.